The Sky-High City of Steampuff

Transcript
The Duchess: For ages upon ages, it has been said "There is nothing new under the sun." But high above the clouds, now that is a very different story.

Hephaestus Von Toot: It's alright, I'll take good care of our son.

Phillis Von Toot: I know you will.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Shh, It's okay. Daddy's here.

(12 years later, Victor is bigger and grabs a bug with a magnet)

Victor Von Toot: Cumulonimbus! I got one! Dad, Dad! I finally got one!

Hephaestus Von Toot: By the blue bondiggers, Victor. Yes you did. A fully functional free roaming emerald Whirly Gig. You don't see many of those anymore.

Victor Von Toot: But what makes them so special anyway?

Hephaestus Von Toot: Creeping Clockwork, ancient embers. The emerald whirly gig always remembers.

Victor Von Toot: Remembers what?

Hephaestus Von Toot: Well everything! Which is what makes them so very special.

(a robotic frog eats the Emerald Whirly Gig with his winch-like tongue and Hephaestus bangs on him to let it out)

Hephaestus Von Toot: Thank you, Rivet.

Victor Von Toot: Does it remember Mom?

Hephaestus Von Toot: If it's lucky it does. (train whistle) Thank you, Samson. I think so too.

Victor Von Toot: Come on, dad. You and I both know Samson's just a train.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Samson is whatever you need him to be.

Victor Von Toot: Hmm. Maybe I need a blackberry crumble.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Maybe you should dream a little bigger. (robots plummet from the sky and walk toward him) Victor, I need you to wind up the train.

(the bots come closer and open up pulling a vacuum-like force)

Hephaestus Von Toot: WIND THE TRAIN!

Victor Von Toot: Dad? (the robots suck him up and fly off) DAD!

(Victor runs to Samson's control panel)

Victor Von Toot: Ugh, come on, turn. turn. Woah, Dad! Don't worry dad, I'll save you. Samson, look out!

(Crash)

Victor Von Toot: Oh, Samson? Is, is that you? Something's taken Dad, do you hear? We have to track him down.

Hephaestus Von Toot: VICTOR!

Victor Von Toot: Hurry, Samson, Hurry! We can't let them get away with Dad!

(Crash)

Victor Von Toot: Samson, what happened? Oh, Blast and Burn it! Your key's wound down! We'll never catch up to them now. Come on, you two. We have to get home.

(back at Von Toot Manor)

Victor Von Toot: Dad always told me not to push this. Not unless it was an absolute 4-alarm emergency. (Rivet takes the top off) Thanks, Rivet. Here goes nothing.

(Victor pushes the button and a box appears and a woman comes out of it)

Victor Von Toot: Hello?

The Duchess: Victor Arapahos Von Toot. You are in big, big trouble!

Victor Von Toot: But what for?

The Duchess: Hmm. The spring is wound but the hands aren't moving. It was you who pushed the big red button was it not?

Victor Von Toot: Well, yeah.

The Duchess: Then you ufologically must be in big, BIG trouble.

Victor Von Toot: But how could you... How did the... Who are you?

The Duchess: I am The Duchess, trusted associate of your father Hephaestus and Stuart of his one and only son in the event of... well...

Victor Von Toot: Big, big trouble?

The Duchess: Where is your father now?

Victor Von Toot: Kidnaped! By some sort of steam-driven squid.

The Duchess: A squid you say, oh my! Quickly, Victor Into the train!

Victor Von Toot: But I don't even know you!

The Duchess: Not to worry, I know you.

(meanwhile Hephaestus has been taken to inside a clock tower)

Hephaestus Von Toot: Victor? Victor?

Phinnegan Tentacle: Hephaestus Von Toot, my old friend. Lost to the ancients, might of the sea, tell me, Hephaestus WHERE IS THE KEY?

Hephaestus Von Toot: Sorry. I must have left it in my other trousers.

Phinnegan Tentacle: You don't have any other trousers! Time waits for no man, professor. Where is the Enkindler? Where is the key?

Hephaestus Von Toot: Safely beyond your control.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Perhaps your son Victor would be more compliant.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Well then, I take it you two have never met.

Phinnegan Tentacle: All in good time, professor. All in good time. (evil laugh)

Victor Von Toot: Dad? Dad? Where are you? Can you hear me? We'll never find Dad at this rate. He could be anywhere by now.

The Duchess: A thought, your father's whereabouts are intrimisically finite. All we need is a clue.

(they stop chugging in Samson)

Victor Von Toot: Then why are we stopping? Clues don't just fall from the sky you know.

(Rivet falls on top of him)

The Duchess: Well thank goodness for that. According to your Puffimetric Prop Simalator, your father is being held somewhere above us.

Victor Von Toot: But held by who?

The Duchess: Whom, dear. Whom.

(The duo goes up on a bunch of gears)

Victor Von Toot: Just hang on, Dad! We're on our way! (they stop) What just happened? (coughs) Why aren't we moving?

The Duchess: Something stopped the lift.

Victor Von Toot: These factory fumes are toxic. (coughs) There's no way we can survive inside the smother.

(The Duchess goes outside)

Victor Von Toot: What are you doing? Get back inside! Duchess!

The Duchess: I know your out here. Show yourself.

(the squid robots come in)

Victor Von Toot: Duchess!

The Duchess: How quaint. It's an impressive invention.

Victor Von Toot: What are you doing?

The Duchess: Very impressive, indeed.

(she gets sucked inside one of the robots and Victor gasps then she breaks out)

The Duchess: But not quite as impressive as me. (she fights the squids)

Victor Von Toot: You're a machine?

The Duchess: So I've been told.

(a robot takes her up into the sky but she pulls it back down)

Victor Von Toot: Cumulonimbus.

(The Duchess crashes down and her head is backwards)

The Duchess: Oh, lovely. Now I'm all wind-blown. (turns her head around)

(Victor and Rivet stare shell-shocked and Rivet's mouth opens letting the Emerald Whirly Gig fall out, it flies toward The Duchess)

The Duchess: Well hello there. Why thank you. I thought you'd never ask.

(the bug goes into her chest and her eyes glow)

The Duchess: Creeping Clockwork, ancient embers, The Emerald Whirly Gig always remembers. Got it!

(rumbling)

The Duchess: Spick Spock, Victor. Time to wind your friend.

Victor Von Toot: I can't. The key won't turn. What do we do now?

The Duchess: I suppose.. we fall.

(both scream)

Victor Von Toot: Woah!

(they crash trough a house and past a couple having tea)

House Wife: Train at the door, dear.

House Husband: Hmm, yes.

(they crash and fall down a tunnel into the sewer)

The Duchess: Well, that went better than expected.

Victor Von Toot: Better than expected?! My father may be lost for good, we’ve jumped the main track into the level 7 sewers, and oh, we're being chased by a swarm of killer calamari!

The Duchess: Hmm. Killamari. I like it!

Victor Von Toot: How could this possibly be going better than you expected?

The Duchess: Well I suppose I expected the ejection bays would be open by this time of day.

(rumble)

Victor Von Toot: Let me guess.

(they fall another floor down)

Victor Von Toot: Great. Now what?

The Duchess: Shh! Just stay down and keep quiet.

Victor Von Toot: Why? Who are we hiding from?

The Duchess: (covers Victor's mouth) I said quiet, Victor! There's some people out here who will try to kill us.

Victor Von Toot: Well I'll contain my amazement. (The Duchess stares at him) Alright, Alright. Quiet as a mouse.

(Victor leans on a button which sets off a horn)

Sid: Over there!

The Duchess: Victor!

Victor Von Toot: Oops.

(they are both grabbed by a big kid)

The Duchess: Let me go, you freak! (kicks him the face)

Jerry: I'm upset now.

Victor Von Toot: Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.

Sid: Duchess, Duchess, Duchess. (laughs) You thought you could give us the slip?

(slips and falls)

Sid: What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?

Jerry: I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.

Sid: Ha, Millicent.

Victor Von Toot: Uh, actually No It's...

Sid: Now then, where's the Enkindler, Duchess?

Jerry: The boss wants it back!

The Duchess: I don't have your stupid enkindler.

Sid: Oh, I see how this is. Are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way?

Jerry: Oh I think we should do it the easy way, don't you Sid?

The Duchess: Alright, check the tin.

Sid: Good Girl. See, Jerry this is how to do it. You're always doing it like... (shoots up and screams then comes back down)

Jerry: Was it in there?

Sid: Right. Rip it up, lads!

Victor Von Toot: Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?

The Duchess: Fine. All right, all right, listen up. This gentleman, he's not from around here.

Victor Von Toot: Thank you.

The Duchess: Just look how nicely he's dressed.

Victor Von Toot: Ah, thank you.

The Duchess: And why? Because he's an international key thief!

Victor Von Toot: Precisely... What? No, no!

The Duchess: He stole the key from me and if you let me go, I'll...

Victor Von Toot: No, she's lying!

Sid: Alright, it's time to bring out... The Persuader! You can talk now or you can talk later. Isn't that right, Persuader? (makes voice higher) Yeah, that's right.

Jerry: The Persuader's alive, Sid!

Victor Von Toot: I don't even know her. Oh, wait I know where it is.

The Duchess: Don't you dare!

Victor Von Toot: Look at the bottom. I mean, is it me or is it ugly shaped?

The Duchess: You little snitch!

Jerry: The booty's in the booty! (shakes The Duchess until the key falls out the back pocket)

Sid: Ooh, thanks mate! The boss is gonna be so happy with us. (they take an elevator up to the clock tower)

Sid: Boss? We're back. Got it, boss. The Key. I found it!

Jerry: Well technically, Sid it was Millicent who found it.

Victor Von Toot: Um, actually the name's Victor and in exchange for my help, perhaps you could release my... (tv turns off) father?

Phinnegan Tentacle: Hello, Duchess.

The Duchess: Hello, handsome.

Phinnegan Tentacle: And you must be Victor.

Victor Von Toot: Um, w-well...

(Phinnegan holds the Enkindler key)

Phinnegan Tentacle: The prize returns to me. Did you imagine you would ever steal it from me?

Victor Von Toot: I'm sorry, Dad. They squeezed it out of me.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Well, I'm still disappointed in you a little.

Phinnegan Tentacle: At last. My plan will be complete!

(puts key into a machine)

Victor Von Toot: We have to distract him.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Um, excuse me. Don't you the most exquisite collection of old British stuff?

Phinnegan Tentacle: (gasps) Why, yes! Quick, release him. Let me show you my private collection, I know you will find it diverting.

(a curtain opens revealing a bunch of treasures on pillars)

Phinnegan Tentacle: My beautiful collection! A treasure trove of Craftsmanship both big and small. For instances, this huge head of Queen Victoria. But come! Let us restore the heart and highlight of my collection... ...this ruby. Fallen from the very brow of ancient kings. A true crown jewel! Well, what do you think?

Hephaestus Von Toot: Well, your ruby certainly is a biggie.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Indeed.

How did it ever find me, here in the underbelly of the world?

In this dark, low place.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Yes. I'd love to see more of your collection. It's very amusing, but I...

"Amusing"?

Didrt you say I'd find it amusing?

I said you'd find it diverting, not amusing!

When I said "amusing" I really meant it in the sense of the ancient Greek muse, the goddess of inspiration. Muse.

(????)

Smashing.

Hephaestus Von Toot: Heaven help me!

Phinnegan Tentacle:: Ice him! Ice them both! Let's put them in this toxic waste. That will teach them a lesson. Prepare to meet your maker.

The Duchess: Quick, Victor. You've got to get the key out of the machine while we break free.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Hey, stop! Get them, you morons!

Victor Von Toot: Ahh, we got to get out of here!

(they escape, later at Von Toot Manor)

The Duchess: Careful with that key. It's priceless.

Victor Von Toot: Hang on. It's fake.

The Duchess: No it's bloody not. It's real!

Victor Von Toot: No look it's just glass. (smashes it)

The Duchess: (sighs) That was the only way to protect the real Enkindler.

Victor Von Toot: Well, what can we do? We still haven't saved my father and we don't even know Phinnegan is up to.

(Victor notices a poster and reads it)

Victor Von Toot: It's the Football Ball Ball Ball Ball where you'll have a ball! Hey, that's it! He might be there so we could find some clues.

The Duchess: What? That's the fanciest party of the year! We'll never get past the gate.

(later at the Ball entrance)

The Gate Guard: [Victor and Dutchess are flambouyantly dressed and trying to get into the Football Ball by getting past  the Gate Guard] Uh, can I help you?

Dutchess: I think-a maybe you can. This is the Count Vicktor von Broken Zipper. Formerly, Count Velkro! Where are the trumpets? We were promised trumpets to announce the Count's arrival. Beat me until you are happy.

[Victor touches her]

Dutchess: He's happy. And I'm not feeling too bad myself.

The Gate Guard: Uh, you're not on the list.

Dutchess: What? Once again.

[Victor touches her again]

Dutchess: Fine! We will go! You will explain to your superiors why were not able to attend your little luau! But we are leaving in a huff!

The Gate Guard: No, no! Go right in! In fact, would the Count like to hit me?

Dutchess: The Count hit you? The arrogance of some people. I shall hit you on his behalf.

[Hits him, knocking him to the ground]

The Gate Guard: Thank you, your grace!

Victor Von Toot: Okay, let's split up. If you see my dad, come and find me. If anything goes wrong, we'll signal each other.

The Duchess: Ooh, what kind of signal do you want? You want something kind of subtle, like: Or: Oh, how about this: Ricola!

Subtle. Let's get to work.

A screwdriver, please. Shaken, not stirred.

Yes, sir.

I'll have what he's having.

Ladies and gentlemen, now coming to the stage... ...the top man, the big bolt... ...who's your daddy? Mr. Phinegan Tentacle.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Thank you. We now come to the point of the evening... ...where I have the tremendous honor of introducing... - Excuse me. Sorry. ... our beloved founder, Mr. Hephaestus Von Toot... ...who, unfortunately, is unable to attend.

Victor Von Toot: What?

Phinnegan Tentacle: He sends his apologies... ...his love and a small box of assorted cookies.

Victor Von Toot: Not coming?

Phinnegan Tentacle: And what are you doing here?

Victor Von Toot: What have you done with my father? How come we don't see him anymore, huh?

Phinnegan Tentacle: Okay. Security, we have a party-crasher.

Victor Von Toot: Yeah, that's right, and I had to put all this junk on in order to get in here... ...so that I could tell everyone that you kidnaped my father and have a secret evil plot.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Grr! That's it! Guards! (guards grab Victor) Take him for a drive and bring me back his exact weight in hair clippings!

Victor Von Toot: Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw! (The Duchess comes in and knocks out the guards. then they both run)

Victor Von Toot: So where to, now?

The Duchess: I'm taking you back home.

Victor Von Toot: What? No way!

The Duchess: You don't know what you're dealing with. Tentacle is gonna use your head for a hood ornament.

Victor Von Toot: We've got to protect the key. Can't you show me where it is?

The Duchess: I must be out of mind.

(meanwhile back at Phinnegan's lair)

Phinnegan Tentacle: Ugh! It's obvious I should have never sent children to do a man's job. Where is he? Why is he always late? Le Nutty.

Le Nutty: Bonjour.

Phinnegan Tentacle: You're late, Le Nutty.

Le Nutty: Fashionably late, my annoying English cousin. I know no other way. Now, listen. Duchess and her new accomplice have stolen something irreplaceable.

Sid: It's all right, boss! We've got another one!

Phinnegan Tentacle: An Enkindler of unique design and purpose. I want it back.

Le Nutty: Don't worry. I'll get it back for you.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Once it is returned, my plan will be complete. To wash away, once and for all, the curse, the scourge of that man.

Le Nutty: Forgive me, my warty English cousin, but this bizarre obsession with the Heaphestus, it is not good for you. You are becoming what we French call le fruitcake.

Phinnegan Tentacle: Perhaps you forget that it was him who cast me from paradise!

Le Nutty: Oh, please. Not the scrapbook again! Oh, Scrap!

Phinnegan Tentacle: My memoirs. Volume one details the dire and tragic story of my youth.

Le Nutty: Oh, mon Dieu!

Phinnegan Tentacle: Me and Heaphestus were once great friends. Inseparable. Until the High School science fair. His broccoli plant was more impressive then my windmill. He got a scholarship to Stargate U and I didn't get to go to the school of my choice!

Yes, Yes I know. You weren't excepted.

Oi.

Boo-hoo-hoo. It is so dark, so cold, so terrible!

You find my pain funny?

I find everyone's pain funny but my own.

I'm French.

Just get the key!

Henchmen! We have a mission. Let nothing stand in our way. We leave immediately.

What about dinner?

Le Nutty: We leave... in five hours.

The Duchess: Okay, we tried. Let's get out of here.

Victor Von Toot: No, no, no. Something's up. Look at all these newspapers and this mail.

The Duchess: Come on. They probably stopped delivering these years ago.

Paper. Late edition.

- You say something?

- Nice one of you. Come on. We gotta get you out of here. Big, creaky door. Perfect.

Victor Von Toot: This must be they kept it.

Bonjour! - Bonjour!

- Bonjour! - Bonjour!

Bonjour!

The Duchess: Who invited you here?

Le Nutty: The English little girly, she's so aggressive.

The Duchess: Le Nutty.

Le Nutty: I like a woman with a little fire. You're going to pay for that, my little chocolate croissant! But first, a word from our sponsor. Marcel?

Phinnegan Tentacle: Now that we're here, we should probably negotiate. His blood is on your hands so I suggest you cooperate.

Victor Von Toot: Fine. You win. I'm heading home, now.

Take it easy with the drink, seriously, or you'll never make it to halftime.

Who said that?

I did. My name's Horace Corace. I'm an import from California. Your father took me in. I'm waiting till halftime. I don't want to miss any of the game.

Victor Von Toot: Halftime. He's waiting till halftime! Of course. That's Phinnegan's plan! That's why he needs the Enkindler! While everyone's watching halftime, he's gonna make the city fall!

Horace Corace: Well then, there's no time to lose.

What a game between England...

Go, England!

...and Germany.

Boo! Boo!

Where's your helmets? Which one's the quarterback? Pick up the ball!

These Brits don't know the first thing about football.

Enjoy your last moments.

I've got Duchess, boss! I've got The Duchess!

Get off me, you lab reject!

Ha! You missed.

Ah, Duchess.

It's so good of you to return the cable.

Bonjour.

At last! It's mine!

Just take it.

Let there be light!

Victor Von Toot: Don't throw me out the window!

Horace Corace: 1..

Victor Von Toot: Maybe we could have some kidney pie?

Horace Corace: 2..

Victor Von Toot: Some Haggis?

Horace Corace: 3..

Victor Von Toot: I have to use the loo! AHHHHH!!!! Duchess? Duchess?

Just two minutes left till halftime! Incredible!

- It's a fantasy start for England.

Fans for the fans!

Balloons!

Duchess!

Duchess!

Victor!

Duchess, when everyone sees us together, they think I’m the one running the show, but the truth is you've been bossing me ever since I met you, but I’m okay with that!

Victor, can we discuss this *after* you rescue me?

Yes, of course. There's no time! Phinnegan's gonna sabotage the antigravity device!

The whole city's

gonna fall out of the sky!

We've got to warn everyone.

Stop them!

Oh, dear.

Whoa! Jerry!

I saw an opportunity and I seized it.

So you thought you could make a fool of Phinnegan Tentacle, eh?

You don't need us for that.

You think you're so clever, don't you?

Well, I'll be the one laughing when I get my revenge. Since I lost scholarship to Heaphstus, He'll be the first to go!

No!

And then you, the pathetic steam friends and scullery maid. Such a waste.

We've got to free my Dad and destroy that machine.

How? It's impossible!

England's winning! ANYTHING's possible!

We've got to get some liquid nitrogen.

There it is! Oh, sweet liquid nitrogen.

Ready... Set...

Not so fast!

Oh, Blast and Burn it.

Let's finish this!

The Duchess: Victor, do something!

Victor Von Toot: That's it! Come and get me, you windbag!

Phinnegan Tentacle: This is gonna get greasy!

Victor!

Duchess, what do I do?

You already know what to do! You've done it once before.

Wake up! Wake up! This can't be happening. It has to be some kind of dream.

Then maybe you should dream a little bigger.

Maybe you should dream a little bigger, bigger, bigger.

Duchess, I did it! I don't know how, but I did it.

Well done, dear. I was starting worry there for a second.

Welcome back, big guy.

Ready? Freeze!

No!

Yay!

Look, it's Heaphestus! And his kid.

Hooray for Millicent! Millicent! Millicent! Millicent!

YEAH!

You're a hero, Victor.

Big deal.

You little rat! You'll pay for this!

Give it a rest, cousin.

Dad, I know you kind of felt bad when I was growing up... ...that you couldn't give me a lot of stuff. But you gave me the most important thing: You believed in me.

From the second you were born.

Now we have to say good-bye to Duchess.

Bye, Duchess. Thanks for everything.

Dad, you don't suppose we could build a bout, do you?

All right, chaps.

Jerry: I love a happy ending.

Sid: You've gone soft! I like unappy endings, with lots of violence.

Jerry: Are you happy now, Sid?

Heaphesus Von Toot: Shall we?

Victor Von Toot: Go for it.

Victor Von Toot: Where are we going?

Heaphestus Von Toot: I have no idea. But we're gonna get there really fast!

Hephaestus Von Toot: Victor, do you mind if I turn Von Toot Manor into an animal shelter?

Victor Von Toot: Oh, bother.